I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
