so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
