I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
