I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
