Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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