He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
