I will die if light touches me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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