i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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