Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
