There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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