I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
