Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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