Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
