I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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