I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
