im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
