11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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