how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
