I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
