Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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