there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
