No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
