did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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