I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
