Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
