To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
