where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
