God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Houston, we have a blender
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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