i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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