If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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