drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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