Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
