He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize