his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
