erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
