No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize