So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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