Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize