Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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