I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
