Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
