Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
