i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize