Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
