You can't special order awesome
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
