I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
