the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
