You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
