I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
