we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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