Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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