She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
