You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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