Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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