Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
