If i come over, it means nothing
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
