I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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