someone get that fucking seahorse.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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