Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
