nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
