i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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