I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I need water and some morals
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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