Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
