Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
