guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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