Who did Billy Mays play for?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize