Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
dude. I can hear the air.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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