Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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