a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
