Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
