Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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