he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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