and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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