I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
