The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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